Many of us have misconceptions about what depression looks like or feels like.
Let me list the ones that I can think of:
The classic – not being able to get out of bed. Sad, crying all the time, or the opposite – not caring and being empty and listless.
Some experience it as irritability, anger and agitation.
Others experience it as murderous rage and an inability to be rational and logical.
In other cases it is melancholia, or a vague sense of something (or everything) missing. A vacancy, an overwhelm, too much feeling – not enough.
Part of the Self, Yearning to be Seen and Heard
Depression can accompany other experiences which can be positive and negative: grief and loss or change and transition that is the culmination of dreams and aspirations.
It has been described as, “anger pushed down and suppressed” …or it can be considered the whole or part of the self not expressed and yearning to be seen and heard.
Depression can be the awful quiet stillness and loneliness of nothing happening; or the cacophony of life blowing up in ways that horrify us and leave us feeling stripped of everything we need to survive.
It is that vague low mood, but it is also that desperate need to make something happen – even if it means death and destruction.
Depression is the expression of a life un-lived or a life bursting at the seams to be manifested but no hope in sight. An absence of a dream, or a dream unrealized.
Goals that are impossible to articulate, and those that have been exposed, are ridiculed or forgotten.
There is no one experience, or one way to approach: the pain, regret, shame, and all the un-thinkables that everyone strives to avoid.
It is self-hatred at its finest.
Depression can be Our Friend
It is alive and specific and personal… and it can also be our friend.
Depression can be our excuse to rest. It can be the villain we pin our lack of motivation, interest, and energy on.
It is our patsy that we allow to hold every reason under the sun not to have to keep striving when it is all too much to bear.
Thank you Depression.
Why Depression, do you make life so hard?
Do you mean to be here like the viruses and bacteria?
Are you a part of the circle of life that I’m meant to befriend?
Thank you Depression, I Hate You Depression
If I could love depression, I would look to it’s caring qualities to:
force me to view myself;
force me to stop and assess;
get my ego out of the way so I can see what’s really going on;
and to help me get REAL.
But also to reveal to me what utter BULLSHIT I am harboring in my psyche. It is the fire that purifies and grinds to the bones and makes things disappear or clarify.
Thank you Depression. And I hate you Depression. Why can’t you leave us alone?
Oh yea, you have a purpose.
Kathlyn McHugh RCC, RSW Counselling Practice takes place at the Vitality Clinic in the West Shore Area, close to Victoria BC.
Visit the website at: Home – The Vitality Clinic